#580 - Congratulations!

Now there's gobs of blood in my puke. Weee! No wonder I'm puking all the time, every day, always in discomfort whenever I eat something, being unable to sleep and having a heart that I can count to 3 seconds all too often until the next beat comes. I can't eat anything now without needing to puke within five minutes of ingesting. Cancer? I doubt it's an ulcer. And I doubt it isn't serious. Not when this has lasted as long as it has. This sure isn't a passing thing. I've been puking after every meal pretty much. Sometimes waking up so ill I gotta make it to the bathroom quick to spew before trying to sleep again. It feels like a dead animal in my stomach with the weight...yellow pudding bile and now, bloody yellow pudding bile. If this is what pregnant women feel all the time, I feel sorry for you. I've only gone a couple weeks now of this and I'm already getting annoyed. That's it. No more solid foods (and no doctors either--I'd rather not know what's wrong with me. More often than not you cannot be saved anyway and knowing just ruins your life, and makes shit worse. Remember: Ignorance is bliss. Look at my aunt who miraculously got terminal soon after they finally figured out the pain in her shoulder and knees was lung cancer (calling it lung cancer's a lie since it's rarely the actual lungs that kill you). I'm going on an all-liquid diet from here on out. I don't get sick with liquid. Only solids. Since I can't hold any solid food down anyway there's no use to have it. I can survive off liquids if it has a lot of vitamins and crap in it I guess. I'll just be skinny as fuck in time. I wish you could just buy those IV drips actually. That's all I need. I can already fit into shit fine that was too small for me before. So I'm losing weight already. Silver lining? Hey, it's a good thing I didn't take those jeans back...gonna need a belt with 'em soon. I'm going to try to rest. I doubt I will. I feel like ass in all seriousness. Sleep's very hard to come by without the aid of a heavy dose of psychotropic drugs to knock me down. Shit, I slept for 17 hours with those great meds. But I hope I can actually sleep for more than two hours on my own. Depending on drugs really sucks. Once you're out of them you realize it was a mistake to depend so much on them. Lack of sleep is just not good for my mind...not good at all. I tend to...get a little...yeah. DLB, out!