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#576
I'll burn in hell. My dad musta choked for a good 5 minutes. He wasn't so high he couldn't get down, either. He used the bathroom curtain rail. He's my hero. Why? Because I don't have the guts. You're all right. I am a pussy. I can't even die with honor. All I can do is slash the skin and never down to the bone. It takes guts to die on your own accord when you could easily just stop it yourself before The End. Could you hang yourself knowing you could take it off at any time and not kill yourself? No guts no glory. I ought to cut to the bone. But I don't have the guts there either. I don't really look forward to the convulsions. The pain I can deal with. The convulsions before death sucks. Welcome to the real world kiddies. A world of excruciating solitude. You are witnessing the death rattle of a dying breed. There may come a time when you contemplate the same. Maybe it's the only way out after all. There are no happy endings. Just a lot of pain and grief. Edit: Disregard. I took something that'll make me sleep for a long time. That's what I need most I think, right now. Sleep. I'm so sleep deprived and that could be aiding in this poor condition. But hopefully when I wake up things'll be back to normal. I wish certain things didn't have to happyen. Cuz theye sure didn't help matterss. But hey what can you do.
posted by ego sum mortuus @ 4/11/2006 11:37:00 AM
2 Comments:
let me educate you:
eat right
sleep right
exercise
GET SUNLIGHT
if you are prescribed medication-- TAKE IT AS PRESCRIBED
talk to people (preferably someone who knows what the hell they're doing)
make a contract with yourself that you won't cut yourself and throw away all things you feel you could harm yourself with
quit abusing things to escape (i.e., "sleep," games, etc.)
there are a lot more, but you get the idea. you know all of this stuff. if you would just follow a routine and stick with it you would be amazed at how much better you would feel. staying up for 3 days, sleeping for 2, and not eating are going to make you feel like shit. you're depriving your brain of what it needs to function. once again, you know this. now show yourself you can do it.
You're completly right about all the above. I exercise every day but with my weights and when I am done I feel a lot better. I feel a vast improvement in my strength from the day I started until now (I do need something heavier than 20lbs now).
The sun, that's a mjor thing. Most of one's depression is caused from the darkness (I think of the poor baby cows turning to veal). I definitely need some vitamin D.
And social. I need to be social. My other main problem is being so alone. Humans are not meant to be on their own so completely. My cousins talked to me for a while until they ran away in terror. Now none of em say anything to me. I was only good to them.
Sleep. I couldn't sleep for the life of me. Ever. I tried and tried. And failed for weeks. Being sleep deprived is a major factor of my edginess. Thank god for the meds that can knock me down. I feel much better already.
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