#552

No! The sick fuck shit's coming back. I had it beat for so long. I've done some fucked things tonight. Things I swore to myself and others I'd never do again. The scariest part about it I realize now is that there didn't need to be a motive to do it this time. No one had to provoke me (no one talks anymore anyway, meh), I didn't have to beat myself up over anything. I just did it. Completely out of the blue. I thought hey yeah, I'll just slash myself to shit and did it without even the slightest feeling of dread. I took pictures. It's one thing to wanna gut yourself when the world seems like it hates you or you hate it. It's something else altogether, I now see in the clarity I've gained in my long lengths of solitude, when there's nothing but a thought similar to and as insignificant as "it's raining today." Edit: Funny, I now see the unconcious pun... I am disappointed in myself. But, on the bright side it's been a long time. A year? Two years? Five? Who knows. Time has no place in my dimension. I don't even remember when certain things happened. I can't remember my childhood either. I am in stasis. Sucks. I'm not used to so much bloodletting, so I feel a bit...strange. But maybe there were things inside that I didn't know about that have just been poured out. Hmmm. Maybe this is the beginning of another tailspin. It sure doesn't seem like my life could get any worse now that I think about it, but that's the funny thing about life; it can always be worse.