#436

Right now I am feeling a bit better. But who knows if it's real or false, whether there are feelings just buried below the surface to once again claw their way out. Will I blow up again at an innocent? Will there be more scars? I feel blank. I just want to feel alive. These days I feel like the walking dead. Is there a monster that lurks there, hidden and unheard? It's not so unheard; I can feel the anger towards society rumbling there. I have not eaten in two days. I would like to eat...but I don't really feel the motivation to. It's fucked up. I feel pulled in different directions. I am lonely and at the same time I want to be left alone. I want to be cared about and I want to know what it's like to have someone care about my wellbeing again. But I am afraid. Because of the anger that's always present I could just fuck it up as quickly as I gain it. Meh. I think I'll read my terror stories. At least the characters know what it's like to be living in hell.