#419

Ah, I was struck with a knife through my heart seeing her picture, a newer picture, again. All of my old feelings have come rushing back. Well, the sad longing kind of feelings...wishing that at least she would still talk to me. But I blew it. I guess not only the fact that I was a complete dick, ultra sensitive when it happened and being forcably told all the juicy details, but also I guess I was too uncool or whatever. It all drilled the final nails in the coffin. But oh, how I wish she would talk to me. She was the best friend one could ever have above all else. Screw the long distance stuff. I'd never try that again if one held a gun to my head. It was just such a loss to have such a good friend that was a strong support in some pretty rough times just tell you it's "for goo." (sic) I will remember you always. I had forgotten my feelings for a while until I saw her sites. Sometimes one shouldn't look even when given the opportunity. What you see may hurt you. Badly. It appears as though she's doing well. That's a great thing. I am happy for her despite this feeling of shock or whatever I now feel. But don't worry. It will pass soon. She looks so skinny... Is she anorexic again? Guess it isn't my place but...hope not. That is all.