hits
WTFOMGBBQ
Tick tock. Time's ticking. I am listening to Howard Stern right now. A repeat from April 6th. I love it. This radio show is all I pretty much listen to these days because it's amusing to me. Probably boring to you, though. I now have 542hrs 32mins 54secs worth of his show in my collection. That adds up to about twenty-two (22) straight days worth of his show, people -- non stop, 'round the clock! That's a lot of Stern. How can you go wrong with whores and strippers? [This section of the post has been deleted because I don't feel I am allowed to express my views or how I feel]
posted by ego sum mortuus @ 4/17/2005 07:50:00 AM
8 Comments:
it's one thing to share your feelings and another to rip someone apart and then dump salt on their wounds. you never have a way of going about things with any civil fashion. you don't want someone to talk to you want someone to leave for dead. that isn't what's fair and i hope that that's what you're protecting people from. if you start saying horribly mean things about me on here i'll just stop reading it, but realize you'd have broken another promise since you told me a while back you wouldn't do that. it's your choice.
all i've done here, by reading all this, is try to be a support and yet again a friend to you. if you cannot stand that then just say the word. it isn't that hard to just lose the link to your blog. i mean that in all sincerity. besides, i don't need this kind of stress in my life at this point either.
say what you want but you'll only serve to hurt me more. if that's worth it to you then sure, go for it. but despite popular belief i did not do anything to spite or to hurt you. i'm not like that. i'm still not trying to. i'm still, in whatever pathetic little ways i can, trying to show you i care. maybe i should stop?
Let me fix that.
There was nothing in the post that was hostile towards you. You already won't talk directly to me, and now you're threatening to run from me some more just because I feel from what you've done? If you care like you say you do, just accept that people need to talk about it and that it won't always be pretty. Unfortunately in a two second decision you decided to rip from me the care you said you had for me for six years and my greatest friend. What do you expect of me to do in such a dire situation? How about you tell me. I'll gladly hear your plans to fix this mess you and he created for me. Thanks in advance.
it's this crap right here that i'm talking about. i just don't want to read anymore how horrible i am. you told me that for how many years? come off it, derek. you are allowed to express yourself in any way shape or form you wish but that doesn't mean i have or want to be a part of it. i DO care about you or i'd have stopped fucking trying, which at this point looks like might be the best idea.
i get that i hurt you. lord, i got that years ago when getting a job hurt you, when thinking about going to the prom hurt you, and when going to college hurt you. i hurt you! i KNOW already. but not everything i have ever done is the reason for the tremendous amount of pain in your life. it just seems like you want to put that off on me, and i can't read it anymore.
i know you weren't hostile in this post, i know that, silly. i'm just asking that if it is going to turn into that that you tell me because you said you wouldn't...and that's why i'm reading this. i don't want to hear anymore how horrible i am. just like you don't. right? it seems only fair.
i just want to get along, derek, that's all. that's why i say please don't tear me apart. that's all. i just can't stand for you to tear me to pieces anymore when all i try to do is do what i can. i have explained my side of things as best as i can, and i have tried to explain why i've done what i've done. have any of the others given you that? are any of the others still trying to communicate with you now? this is what friendship is about, the good and the bad. if i'm your best friend, or ever was, then listen to my words.
i just don't want you to be mean to me anymore. i don't want to be mean to YOU anymore. i just want to get along. i swear to god that's what i want. if it can't be done then i'm naive in my wants and i apologize.
i apologize for all i have done to you or have done that wasn't intended to hurt you but did. what else can i say or do to make it better? nothing, dear, though i wish i could. i don't know what else to do...that's why i stayed away. i just thought that maybe through this stupid thing we could get along. i'm dumb, okay? i knew all along i was.
You are not dumb. Don't be silly. You're a great girl and I don't hate you for any of what I feel lately. And I won't be mean to you. If I do talk about stuff like that, I will leave the bitter out of it and just say the feelings without the upset words, or, as you named it, "the triple kill." I don't want ya to stop coming by.
So, I do apologize for what I've said since it obviously hurt your feelings again. I'll try to do better in the future. As you see, I deleted the part that upset you. Hurting you some more surely isn't my goal. I've done that enough.
So let's be friends. I need you to be my friend. Badly. *sticks hand out*
you didn't say anything in your post that upset me. the likelihood of you bashing me on here or reiterating how awful i am upset me. we all make decisions in our life that effect us and others (for good or bad) but that doesn't mean we're horrible, right? or am i just naive? i made a decision, and it effected you, and i'm sorry for it. i have no other words, you know? that doesn't mean i want your life to be in the dire pits of hell for eternity. that doesn't mean i still don't really want you to succeed in life. i want you to do all the great things i know you can do. it's just hard to be encouraging (or feel encouraging and hopeful for someone) when you think they want you dead. so no, it wasn't your post that got me but rather the possibility you may lash out at me again.
just realize that i'm going through a huge life transition right now (yet another one, ugh) and it's taking it's toll on me. i have taken this time lately for me, and as selfish as that sounds i so need it and still do. i will pop in and read (and comment). i cannot promise me on msn or online 24/7 like i used to be. my schedule just won't allow it, and that's the truth. being online is a lonely place, too, and it brings out the worst in me to be quite frank. that said, i will continue to read this so long as i see fit. so say what you want, but i may or may not read all the gory details about me (if they are ever there).
you used say to spit in your hand and then shake on it. where's the spit? heh.
I will not bash you on my blog here. This is just a place for me to talk about whatever's on my mind. Starting trouble isn't something I'm out for. I've had enough of that.
The spit's right here. *hawks, sticks out hand again*
Keep it real.
haha. that's so gross. i understand about not wanting to start trouble because i don't either. that wasn't the purpose of my comments or my commenting either. thanks, derek. i mean it.
You're welcome, sir.
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