Lost
Things are not going well....
posted by ego sum mortuus @ 4/10/2005 06:38:00 AM
Previous Posts
- Now this is a good song. Must check it out!
- In the Funny department
- Spammer sentenced to nine years in jail
- *shakes head*
- Another kick to Freedom's already swollen balls
- Viral infection rate: 98.7%
- The heat is on
- Jesus...
- Fuck you, don't kiss my ass Here's just a short so...
- Check this out
14 Comments:
probably not the same, but i know how you feel.
Thanks for the understanding.
i try, though i'm not all that great at it at times.
You were always great!
I mean...yeah, I guess sometimes it's hard to understand things that other people feel since everyone feels differently about different situations.
just try to take care of yourself. it's all you can do, and as it seems to me you are doing very little of. pamper yourself. hell, see a fucking concert, derek. i may be away but i can still send "i'm going to kick your ass" vibes your general direction. you need your brother and your brother needs you just as much (and he needs you to be happy). treat yourself better.
I try. I just lost all hope. *shrug* It's okay. It's just kind of a lonely world now. Well, at least when you're alone there's no one you have to impress, huh?
you never had to IMPRESS anyone but yourself, which you never seemed able to do. take this time for you, derek, because afterall, isn't that what this is about? find yourself, get your life back. and dammit all to hell, hang out with your brother and get out of the damn house! *shakes her fists at you* i've lost weight and gained some muscle mass. i'll getcha! just kidding. but really, in all seriousness, i'm rooting for you.
I've had more than enough time to myself I think, dearie. Wouldn't ya
think? Solitary confinement really sucks.
i think you're not understanding what i'm saying. please do not get defensive. i really don't need a fight with you over something i said on a blog. i'm sorry i put in my two cents. once again, sorry i tried to be nice to you (and supportive) and all you can think of is the negative.
Oh, I'm not defensive! I swear it. It's not your fault. I'm not upset with you or anyone really. I'm probably just entirely too exhausted and yes, I suppose I am very negative these days...but that doesn't mean it doesn't get through to me.
i understand being negative, but i do hope that the encouraging things people say to you at least strikes something within you. at this point there's no use focusing on the negative. what has it gotten you or what will it get you? as my mom always told me, what use is there in worrying about it. will it make it any easier? will it change things? probably not. oh well. she's a wise ol' lady, and i've learned a lot from her. your brother, my mother, and i can't ALL be wrong. talk to you later.
Yeah, people can say nice things. It's great to have support (I would imagine). But sometimes we just need a strong shot of tequila, a noose, or a few hits from the bong to escape what's plaguing us, because the words people say just don't work as a bandaid to fix certain issues.
I do appreciate your kind words, however, so don't take offense. They mean a lot, so don't get me wrong. But it's hard to believe sometimes, what with some events...
What's the use of worrying? None. It gets you nowhere, except into a deeper pit than you were before! But the real question is, is it so easy to not worry? Especially with things the way they are?
I babble too much.
no, it's not easy to not worry but it's easier to try not to worry than sit in your room all day worrying that the world hates you. wouldn't you think? it's probably a lot easier on the self-esteem and all that as well to try not to worry instead of focusing daily on trivial things. it upsets me that you said "i would imagine." does that mean you feel you have no support? because the last time i checked your brother and your grandmother have always been a great source of support throughout your whole life. everyone you've ever come across has supported you in one form or another. don't forget that.
i'm also not taking offense, but explaining reality. things may be hard to believe, trust me i get that, too, but sometimes we just have to let down our guard and believe them. sometimes when we let down that guard we get hurt and sometimes we don't. just because of the events of the past months occurred does not mean that i, or anyone else, care about you any less. the fact i've been trying to show you i care for nearly six years now says something. does it not? if you can't believe that then who can you believe? sometimes the word of others is more reliable and trustworthy than your own.
we both babble too much. sorry for taking up so much space on your blog.
Feel free to comment on anything you wish. I welcome it. Not like anyone else does.
I concur with all you've said, except that I am not comfortable with getting support from my grandmother, because I don't want to make her worse and I feel humiliated talking to her (yeah I know she'd be there for me and such, but I feel too old to go to a mommy figure for help), or my brother, for the same reason. Pretty much on my own here, ya know. You have a lot of sense in that head, though. I just wish that I could overcome. And believe you me, I try. I try very hard not to worry. That's why I write silly crap in my journal. But then it creeps back up to snatch me. Oh well. Maybe someday I'll get it. Until then I'm at the mercy of it all. And believe me it never has any mercy, Miss Anonymity.
Thanks for your kind words. I will remember them for always.
Great. A love song is on the radio. Can you guess what kind of horrific imagery I'm facing now? I'm feeling like gouging my eyes out with a fork! No matter how many times I slam my head into the wall, it never stops... Guess it'll be a while before the whole worry myself to death thing vanishes after all.
Post a Comment
<< Home